The SHOOT

The house photographer, hand on hip, waits impatiently drumming his fingers on the windowsill. The same old story, the model’s late.
“Supposed to be here half an hour ago! The set’s ready, lighting sorted and carefully arranged, everyone else here. Where the hell is the damned model?”
He grabs his phone for the third time that morning and is just about to shout at the recorded message when the agent rushes in – all apologies and peace-making.
“Nearly ready! Just dressing, looks a treat; so sorry, got held up back there…”
The photographer’s exasperated face suddenly transforms into a gasp of admiration and delight as they wheel her in from behind the screen.
“Wow, gorgeous! I could just eat her up” he salivates.
“Thought you’d be impressed,” quipped the agent. “So sorry about being late, but wasn’t it worth it?”
“OK, OK but let’s get on with the shoot; client wants a whole lot of options out of this one. It’s their main promotion of the season.”

He checks the space and places the subject at the table set-up, carefully re-adjusting the lighting. Spots and diffusers in exactly the most flattering positions to bring out the best features. Even a rostrum camera somehow fixed for an aerial shot in the rafters. When he’s finally happy with the arrangements, he demands silence, picks up his favourite camera and prances round the studio. He takes dozens of shots from every conceivable angle; full length, close-up, portrait, landscape and profile, shouting directions all the time. Even lying on the floor to test the possibilities from there.

Three hours in and he finally allowed a break to let the team rest for a while; photo-shoots are exhausting especially as one’s supposed to be capturing a fresh and appealing look all the time. Everyone was feeling the heat – not just from the studio lights, but from the excited demands of the photographer who’d really gone to town on this one. Hoping the session wouldn’t go on much longer, they eyed him up as he paced the studio floor. His hair was wild and his eyes darted to and fro in an agitated way.
“What I haven’t got yet,” he shouted “are some really good ‘Bun Shots’. Seen the model dressed, I need to take away all the frippery. Just the plain, natural basic truth of what the customer is getting!”

The somewhat irritated stylist set to work on undressing the model and refreshing ‘the look.’ The photographer then arranged some additional props, mostly comprised of china and paper serviettes, carefully positioned to suit the situation without losing the enticing ‘mood.’
At the end of the long day when he was satisfied with his images, everyone was able to relax. The agent and the stylist had collapsed on a sofa and the model was left slumped on the table; just a cold, greasy burger surrounded by a discarded pile of flaccid Dill and limp lettuce.

“It’s a WRAP” shouted the photographer, “There’s some great shots here for Burger City’s new menu!”

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